I feel really fucking miserable right now. Bawling my eyes out. I just don't want to be sad anymore. It's not just time. It's not just being unemployed. I've hidden myself away from people bit by bit. They don't know that I've slept through sunday, monday afternoon, and most likely tomorrow. I get up, say hello and apply to any jobs, and go back to sleep until she comes home. I'm not eating much. I'm dehydrated. I went to the gym but could barely concentrate. I just sit online all day, waiting. Checking for more jobs, checking up on people. What is there to wait for? Nightime when the daily Cheers marathon is on? Friday, for the unknown? Halloween, for me to be so self conscious I can't be myself, even in costume? John's wedding when I get to tell everyone I'm still unemployed and no, I couldn't fit my fat ass OR tits into grandma's old dress?
God I wish I was more important. I've become so dull and fearful. And I'm tired, so fucking tired of feeling sorry for myself.
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