Humpty Dumpty

Excrutiatingly depressed lately.

Excrutiating.

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My computer's been in the shop for three weeks now. Ridiculous.
That word. You know why I spell "ridiculous" correctly? Because once a huge asshole that I cared for made fun of me for spelling it wrong. Rediculous.

Besides the point.

I have a doctors appointment on friday, I'm afraid.
I spent sunday night alone in my closet, bawling, making calls that weren't helping.
Being ripped apart.

Hard to say.

I need a real friend.
I need to love myself, and I don't.

And it terrifies me.

Your face is not your own

While I am unsure why, a picture of Dom and I suckin' face has made its way into the Albright-Knox Art Gallery. It's probably some kind of statement about myspace, privacy on the internet, modern women, blah blah SCANDAL! Teaching us a lesson of some kind. Modern artists and their novel ideas.

I'm in a winter coat, so it's not a flesh thing. I'm not embarrassed of such a picture. So what was the criteria? Why was my profile picture one of the chosen ones, out of... how many people are on myspace now? All the down-the-shirt boob shots and emo angles and legitimate non-myspace photos.
It's Interesting.

I guess I'm art to someone then. Now that's a strange concept.

Torrential Downpour

Your connection appears to originate from inside the USA.
Due to persecution from the U.S. Government, and fear of legal attack by large U.S. Corporate Interests, this site has no choice but to block all connections that appear to come from within the U.S.A. or any of it's territories or occupied countries. We regret any inconvenience, and suggest you work to change your government from within. Goodbye.

You will now be redirected to an appropriate internet site for Americans.

www.aol.com/sanitizedandprotected/kiddiezone.htm

Big Brother and Kites

Sometime shortly after I downloaded the most recent episode of Kyle XY from Torrentspy, I took a nap. I've downloaded most episodes of the season from this site, since I don't get cable here at the apartment, and I was unable to drive to watch it at my parents house. I didn't know I would wake in a world barring my access to such a lovely site...

Torrentspy, after much bullying from the US government and the MPAA, has blocked all users from US IP addresses.
The site is based in Europe. I'm not mad at them, I think it's a nice "fuck off" to the US government, and I wait for some kind of press conference (aka blog floating somewhere on the internet, since I can't even read their forums) thanking us for our usage, time and torrents. US users accounted for %15 of all users. Basically, the move was made to protect its other users from being tracked by our control-freak government.

Back in june, "A complaint issued by TorrentSpy suggests the MPAA paid a hacker $15,000 to steal e-mail correspondence and trade secrets. The hacker admitted that this was true." Ridiculous?

It's not the end of the torrent world, for there are already many other sources. After all, with the downfall of Napster in 2001 thanks to the RIAA, LimeWire, Kazaa, i Mesh and Morpheus rose from the ashes.

http://torrentfreak.com/torrentspy-blocks-searches-from-us-visitors/
Also amusing:
http://torrentfreak.com/getamnestycom-mpaa-extortion-at-its-finest/

Funny thing is, without Torrentspy, I never would have even watched the first season of Kyle XY, never would have downloaded every episode from Torrentspy, and never would have purchased the DVD set when it came out.

Weird how these things turn out.

Worries

It's never a pleasant feeling to read all the prerequisites required for the courses you've signed up for, and a few of them, well... you haven't taken yet. Or are taking simultaneously.

I registered for what my advisor told me to register for, right?

And only that?

Right?



Because if it doesn't work, then I'll be down 2 courses this semester...

DIY

I cut it on my own. Fuck ya, salon.

I need to be impressive in order to improve my mood.

I'm covered in bug bites, yet I've been inside most of the day.

I can love myself if I try a little.

Waste

Hair cuts never come out as I want them to as of late.

Ker-ouch

I knocked a guy off his bike last night.


With my MIND.

Birthday

Is there much worse than being sincerely upset, confiding in someone, and their response being "stop being dramatic"?

Teeth

I woke up this morning in an angry rage, crying and throwing things.

This class I'm taking, 5:30-9:50 M-F? Horrible.

And by the way, friday is my 20th birthday.

My parents are away on a family vacation without me, the first in 20 years. Thanks class.

My boyfriend is away on a family vacation, spur of the moment in canada, where he gets roaming charges.

They'll all be back on sunday, two days after my birthday.

Also, my sister has been in Japan for the past 2 years, this being the third birthday of mine she's missed, not to mention high school graduation, first year of college, moving to an apartment, etc etc.



Is it wrong to feel miserably angry at all of them?
Is it wrong to fantasize about them coming home early to surprise me, boyfriend especially?



Is it wrong to believe that would never happen....

Murder by numbers

I, in my third year of college, am taking a summer course so that I may graduate earlier than schedualed.

In my first class, the professor played us a video. In said video, an elderly man told me that mixing red and yellow will produce orange.

Am I out of line to think that, maybe, just maybe, this course is a bit below me? Or, possibly anyone over the age of 4?

Mushroom

"Did you say pig, or fig?" said the Cat.

"I said pig," replied Alice; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy."

"All right," said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!"

Pizza Rolls

So late, and I'm up yet again.

My three-legged cat is keeping me company. He's a lunatic.

This year's birthday will not be the best one.

these things

depressed tonight.

Shower

Is it odd that I enjoy the smell of unwashed hair?

Perhaps it's a sensory memory.

Chef Tony

I stayed up until 6am last night watching infomercials on channels my bunny ears could recieve. Two seperate channels tried to sell me two seperate knife sets, two channels tried to convince me to order their cd aimed at healing depression, one channel was color bars, one channel was selling me this goo that strips up to 7 layers of paint off of any surface.

Woods, metals, plaster, small rodents, you name it.

ships have sailed

Today I realized that I have no idea how to make friends anymore.