Humpty Dumpty

Excrutiatingly depressed lately.

Excrutiating.

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My computer's been in the shop for three weeks now. Ridiculous.
That word. You know why I spell "ridiculous" correctly? Because once a huge asshole that I cared for made fun of me for spelling it wrong. Rediculous.

Besides the point.

I have a doctors appointment on friday, I'm afraid.
I spent sunday night alone in my closet, bawling, making calls that weren't helping.
Being ripped apart.

Hard to say.

I need a real friend.
I need to love myself, and I don't.

And it terrifies me.

DIY

I cut it on my own. Fuck ya, salon.

I need to be impressive in order to improve my mood.

I'm covered in bug bites, yet I've been inside most of the day.

I can love myself if I try a little.

Teeth

I woke up this morning in an angry rage, crying and throwing things.

This class I'm taking, 5:30-9:50 M-F? Horrible.

And by the way, friday is my 20th birthday.

My parents are away on a family vacation without me, the first in 20 years. Thanks class.

My boyfriend is away on a family vacation, spur of the moment in canada, where he gets roaming charges.

They'll all be back on sunday, two days after my birthday.

Also, my sister has been in Japan for the past 2 years, this being the third birthday of mine she's missed, not to mention high school graduation, first year of college, moving to an apartment, etc etc.



Is it wrong to feel miserably angry at all of them?
Is it wrong to fantasize about them coming home early to surprise me, boyfriend especially?



Is it wrong to believe that would never happen....